I swear she didn't look like that last week.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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