Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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