Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
