I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
