Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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