I think I won the penis lottery.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize