then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
