I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
