addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
