The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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