fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
