things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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