turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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