When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
