I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
