'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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