No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
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He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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