The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
