I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
