The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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