Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
