sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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