Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
