We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
