I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
