What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
