I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
