happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
