I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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