I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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