i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
