I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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