I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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