WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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