dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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