apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
