I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
