I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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