Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
