i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
