Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
