I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
