He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
