She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
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You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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