2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Randomize
