he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
