Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
