I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
