I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
