I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
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Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
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Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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