so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
