You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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