Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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