I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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