Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
