I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
