My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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