bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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