How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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