I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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