he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
