i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
