Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
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