My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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